I feel there's a lot to catch up on.
I have those lightbulb moments of - ooooo, I want to blog about this… I think people will relate.
I wanted to dissect the Sun and what it means for us. How it comes with so much pressure for us autistics, whether it's the demand to go out and enjoy it, socialise, sunbathe and just be active, when we get sensory overwhelm with heat, crowds can be overstimulating, the expectation of clothing. When we actually need to recover from a demanding day, by hibernating inside and away. But time goes by, and the blog doesn't get written, in fact, the sun is old news now.
Time goes quick, from starting supervision training, to wanting to blog about attending the PhD interview, and the complexity of being a very bouncy springer spaniel (I know golden retrievers seem to be the animal analogy of ADHD, but for me it's the spaniel, and it's constantly on go-go-go mode). Along with the inevitable frankness and honesty - with me stating ‘that if it's not done x-y-z, then I shall not be coming to your university’. This, of course, means that I have to then regulate the retrospective overthinking created by historical misjudgements that I am rude and arrogant, when in fact I am just being honest and asserting a boundary.
Then, I wanted to blog about how, after 18 years, I finally moved my financial account over to a business account. I have avoided it for years due to the comfort of familiarity. However, actually being stuck in what I thought was comfortable, really was quite detrimental; taking that leap into the unknown has been amazing. Now, I have less anxiety about saving, taxes, and room bills, as everything is taken care of for me. Oh, why didn't I do it sooner? This was what I was going to discuss: the anxiety of the new, unknown and the power of ‘what ifs’.
And we certainly can't ignore Eva and Joe on Survivor. Watching her advocate for herself, assert her needs and ask for help. Being comforted unconditionally through co-regulation. Such a beautiful and affirming moment shared around the world. But then the complexity, of actually the responsibility he felt to ensure she was okay, along with her saying she had treatment for her autism, and me starting to worry about what is going to come out about this.
But again, time goes by, and while I am trying to balance my life out from just work and study, by plunging back into the cold water (literally), my ND experiences and thoughts stay in my mind. Which is a shame. But just how it is right now.
But hey, that was a very quick round-up on all things I thought of doing, but couldn’t, and didn't, and to finish it off, I wanted to shout out that my research is not only published, but going to be in a journal.... wooooo..... better start saving so I can buy a physical copy now :D
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